1980, the year I graduate with a Bachelor of psychiatric nursing and start work in the psychiatric ward of a general hospital – full of enthusiasm, passion, and the conviction that I am going to make a difference! My biggest drive is a personal motivation to help others recover from their traumatic experiences and escape the role of victim.
I soon discover that the reality is very different. From the start I feel ill-equipped, the tools I have learned are not enough to communicate with the patients, fully understand their symptoms, and help ease their pain. My naïve belief that offering them love, care and the promise of a better future will be sufficient to cure them, is very quickly disproved. I soon realize that, without getting to the heart of the problem and its causes, it is just not possible to fully tackle the consequences and that love alone is not enough to heal the wounds. I also note that no attention is paid to a connection between symptoms, pathology, and traumatic experiences. Even more surprising to me, the word “trauma” is hardly ever used. I strive to find the human aspect in a patient, what their hurt is and where it is coming from, rather than focussing on the diagnosis they are identified with.
My deep belief, “whatever you have suffered, it will not destroy you”, drives me to continue my studies and increase my knowledge. I want to learn more and gain more tools to formalize this belief, which has now become my mission. I follow a course to learn more about organizing groups and start the Gestalt training program. Geared up, I start “practicing” my new skills at work and we set up a weekly program of therapeutic activities. We experiment with various therapeutic modalities and we get closer and closer to the person and his/her trauma, with the needs and the pain. It becomes clear that it is not always easy to operate “outside the box” when working in a team. First and foremost, it requires the willingness and determination to put your own life under a magnifying glass. Right up to the present day, my experience is that ignoring “yourself” is one of the biggest stumbling blocks for us as professionals, preventing us from “seeing” the trauma in our patients.
More and more, my time seems to be taken up by numerous meetings and discussions. I so want to navigate my own path, building on my growing knowledge, observations, practical experiences, and evolving theory. It feels as if I am alone in “Trauma land” and that it is actually an empty “No man’s land”.
1990, a personal event means a year away from my job. An ideal opportunity to finally gather my own thoughts and go it alone, starting my private practice. To this day, I still believe my employer was relieved I wasn’t working there anymore.
And then you really start …. and once again I am engulfed by the feeling that the complexity of my patients’ problems is too much for me to handle. With an open mind, in my head and in my heart, I tackle the confrontation head-on. The confrontation with stories of sexual abuse, physical violence, brutality, unhealthy family situations, and children in need …. I can neither avoid nor question it but must search for a way to help. Then there are the threats – from a parent, a neighbour, a doctor – when the therapy finally gives my patient recognition for his/her trauma.
It becomes more and more clear to me how our community is saturated with traumatic experiences, committed by one person on another, by a parent on a child … and how extensive our denial is. We only consider an incident as trauma when it is about war, an accident, a rape… And with the latter, it is only assumed trauma to the extent that it is not considered to have been provoked by the victim! A colleague once claimed never to have seen a case of sexual abuse during his 20-year career. Trauma blind?
Can I handle this stark reality? Can I handle this reality on my own, in a culture and environment where, even today, PTSS does not appear to feature in the DSM-V?
In 1992 I start my Psychosynthesis Studies in Amsterdam. I am looking for more support and knowledge, both for myself and for others. I generate the hope, belief, and courage I need to start on this path. I work on creating a broader foundation to provide guidance and therapy.
More and more children come to me for therapy. Most of them have suffered traumatic experiences, and the majority have experienced trauma in an attachment relationship. In 2001 I decided to follow a course in child therapy, and I specialize in sexually abused children. I ask myself, “What is trauma really? Can we state that only sexual abuse is trauma? And what about all the adults, adolescents, and children who present a wide range of symptoms, from which, in the first instance at least, we don’t always reach the diagnosis of “trauma”?” I need to learn more, treat better, and start a study for psychotraumatologist. Here I meet similarly minded professionals. We want to “see” and identify trauma and hone ourselves as better therapists.
In 2009 I qualify as EMDR Practitioner and EMDR for children and adolescents.
2010 is the year I decide to set up Traumacentrum België, initially a practice with three therapists. Our mission is to raise awareness of trauma, train professionals, and equip them with the skills to recognize trauma and offer trauma therapy.
While attending an ESTD Congress in Belfast the same year, I realize that by sharing my knowledge and observations, and by developing new theories, I can increase visibility and awareness of the existence of trauma outside Belgium. Many presentations at various European congresses follow.
In the practice, it becomes clearer and clearer how many clients, be it children or adults, suffer from traumas originating in the early years and in the relationship with the parent. These experiences are not covered by the recognized definition of attachment trauma, such as violence, neglect, or abuse. It becomes apparent that the relationship between parent and child is essential for healthy development on all fronts. This is a trauma that is not immediately visible. I call it “invisible attachment trauma”.
Even today, I encounter an unwillingness in our society to acknowledge the potentially disastrous impact of an unsafe or unhealthy parent-child relationship. An unwillingness to consider that the effects of trauma during the early years can form the root of psychopathological and trauma symptoms. A recognition of this brings the realization that single traumas rarely exist. Accepted definitions and theories just do not add up when compared to the everyday reality of clinical practice. We cannot divide trauma into big or small, bad, or worse. It comes down to the total experience of the client, their single trauma, and the unique consequences. This opinion raises eyebrows, and we are told we should stick to the classifications and accepted treatment protocols, which are applied in the same way to all clients …. To treat trauma, you must first establish contact with your client through your own inner self, and this relationship forms the foundation for any successful treatment. Over many years there has been little cooperation with other professionals.
The essential cooperation and support are not forthcoming, and we see one another more as opponents than allies in the same field.
Eventually, I make the decision to give workshops and presentations in the USA, mainly at ISSTD congresses. Here I finally meet fellow professionals with the same goal, the recognition of trauma, the investigation of trauma, and the formulation of treatments …. it is the ongoing journey of learning that we owe to our clients. In 2019, I have been invited to Asia to teach a three-day workshop “Trauma-focused therapy working with children and adolescents”.
Contact with colleagues, searching for a connection and sharing experiences, working together, and supporting one another, all these facets are essential to me as a pyschotraumatologist. The job is hard and confrontational. I am often deeply affected by my own inner self, my personal history, and my experiences. With my articles, workshops, and presentations I do my best to raise and maintain awareness of trauma. I hope the journey I am on will inspire others to follow the same path. Together, we can analyze how trauma occurs, make it visible, discuss the possible causes, and create treatment models …
The one goal I have is to establish better forms of treatment, staying true to my deep belief that “whatever you have suffered, it will not destroy you.”