People need each other. Our brain is "hard-wired" to connect with others. We are not isolated beings. More than that, connecting with that other is important to the extent that it contributes to our physical, psychological, neurological and social development.
It is in the very first connection, that between parent and child, that the foundation for this development is laid. The child's experiences in this first connection provide a foundation both for his later ability to form relationships and for his physical and psychological well-being. Every specialist agrees that the origin of mental health lies in early childhood experiences of this connection between parent and child.
Early childhood experiences are also the foundation from which any subsequent negative experiences, can be carried, framed and healed. We might compare it to the foundations of a house, which are crucial to its strength when plagued by storms and other upsets.
It is also from this connection that humans become themselves, build self-confidence and resilience because connecting presence makes you who you are. As a skilled person, you are then able to enter into relationship with others from a solid, balanced core or "self." The reciprocity that occurs here builds strength, trust, hope and love that is the foundation to further grow into a complete society that supports, understands and helps each other.
Resilience cannot arise in isolation or only from the self. It is the experience with the other, the environment, society in the interaction with vulnerability to be able to be yourself. That is true resilience, being able to be yourself in relationship with the other. Part of a greater whole that carries and nourishes.
"Mrs. T. came for consultation because of feelings of anxiety and distress. At work she did not feel understood and in the relationship with her partner she was not really happy. She had built up an image regarding herself as incompetent and unimportant. In social contacts she did not feel comfortable and always wondered what others thought about her. She suffered from migraines.
She was born into a family where there was no place for emotions. A traumatic delivery caused the mother's inability to connect and bond both emotionally and psychologically with her daughter. Many of her signals went unnoticed or ignored and she developed anxiety because she "didn't find" her mother. Between the parents there were relationship problems that had persisted for years. The father withdrew from work. Both her mother and father had unprocessed traumatic experiences from childhood.
Her immature brain as an infant lacked the carried response and regulation of the parents which made her unable to (re)acknowledge and regulate her emotions as an adult. The anxiety resulting from the interruption in bonding with parents resulted in a chronic elevated stress state. This caused physical problems. Due to the emotional absence of the parents, she developed an image of herself as neither adequate nor worthwhile. This idea made her insecure in relationships with others so that social contacts were also perceived as threatening."
It cannot be emphasized enough that preventive work related to mental health care must have its origins at the base of life, in the relationship between parent and child. Resources should be used to create opportunities to help that precarious relationship unfold by achieving greater parental presence in the first year of the child's life. Sound counseling focuses on the critical importance of attachment to mental health and guides programs of education, support and psychotherapy for parents and children.
In this economically driven society, where matter and money are still placed above the development of the inner man, we better shift the emphasis to the development of these aspects that contribute to resilient individuals. The unifying power that comes from belonging to a community should be further encouraged. The importance of this preventive approach is decisive, requiring a willingness and awareness to want to integrate the fledgling relationship between parent and child as a source of spiritual well-being into approaches and treatment strategies.